Lost In Thoughts

I’ve come this far in life to realize that I’ve been missing out on a lot of things. I’ve let myself loose. I’m not a shy little girl anymore. I’ve opened up, and have learned how to have fun. I’m not afraid. I remember those days of over thinking every little thing I’d do, or the constant worries of getting into trouble. But lately, I’ve been forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone. Embracing my fears. I couldn’t be any happier with where my life is going.

A dog is simple. Where are the complications? He waggles his tail, and pants all day, taking naps here and there, and stretching before he rises. He digs holes for hidden bones, and sniffs out his next target; barking at any others that get near his territory. Loyal to obedience, he crawls into his owners lap; quiet and close by. Known as a mans best friend, he follows beside, and comforts on the nights of sorrows.
I visited a little town. A place where everyone knew who you were, and noticed if they didn’t. I loved walking down the streets filled with carts as children ran around as if not giving a care in the world. Admiring the ancient buildings crafted by the hardworking hands of a human, followed by the blossomed trees of the sweet aroma of Spring. I had found a 32 foot tree with full branches and just the proper amount of spacing to feel the slight breeze, yet be shaded by the roaring sun.
Across from there, there was a long field of grass separating this town from the city. With dandelions sprouted above the rich soils of Earth, and critters of all sorts roaming about. There was a trail naked of grass that lead deep into the foreign land filled with footprints of all sorts.
So. As my desires and eagerness took over, I had walked on the long trail, picking up flowers as my adventure continued into the unknown. Photographing the beautiful scenery Mother Nature had blessed us all with, I soon reached the end where I broke off and started to make a pathway of my own. Enjoying the feel of nature, I decided to rest alongside a small bank I had encountered. I slowly closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the essences of my surroundings, only to get a strong whiff of a strange and despicable smell a few seconds later. I opened my eyes to see that a dog was only three inches away from my face panting and starring me dead in the eyes.
The four legged creature looked about 30 pounds heavy, having his tail tucked between his thin legs and a dirty brown coat as though he had tangled in manure. His ears pointed straight up, his snout was short, and he had oval shaped eyes that didn’t blink for a second.
The dog tilted his head in wonder as he plopped right beside me with no time to spare.
We both sat in silence.
Although there was no relationship, there was a feel of comfort in the company of another. Neither one nor the other wanted to move, in fear of losing the others presence. The loneliness struck, and all that was needed was the feeling of companionship.
I took him with me. This was only a few days ago, and already I had forgotten the feel of unfamiliarity.
I would like to learn how to live. To experience the fresh air and wind in my face as pure ecstasy. To show love and affection to those beside me, and give them the comfort of my presence. To have the senses to feel when someone is in need, and to forgive, forget, and to never give up the opportunity for care.

It’s not possible to ever end a relationship with someone on good terms. One or the other gets hurt, and no matter how hard you try to break it to them in the least amount of pain you could cause, there’s still going to be hurt. Heartbreak. Some people deal with it by being cold, while others just accept it and completely shut down. Either way, it’s understandable, and you can’t stay with someone in fear that you’ll hurt them. Eventually it’s going to happen. Better late than sorry.

Like I’ve said before, I can’t commit no matter how hard I try.